Friday, February 26, 2010

special report: I POOOOOOOPED!! w00t

special report: I POOOOOOOPED!! w00t w00t!

I think it's the medicines i'm on that are making me so sick, On top of everything else. They had me on Reglan to stop nausea (i always see the class action lawsuits for it on tv. Hesitant to take it in the first place. Doesn't keep me from puking anyway.) i was also on a course of prednisone for God-knows-what. Inflammation or some shit i think. I finished that. They had me on flexeril for my back muscles. Pretty sure i can manage w/ just the heating pad for now. And percocet for pain, which didn't even make me drowsy when i took it. It's only the 5-325 dosage, and i got stronger shit for my endometriosis, which was much more tolerable than this head shit. So now i'm just taking 1 percocet every 4 hrs. Started that @ 5 this evening. We'll see. plus, i haven't pooped in like 5+ days (now i know how my FF girls felt), even w/ a daily stool softener, so i guess i gotta up that to 2 or
more pills a day. I'm just afraid of taking too much and randomly shitting myself in my sleep.

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Not feeling well at all. Wednesday was a good day- i was able to get up and move around a bit, and i helped hubby dress Marius and give him his first bath. Wednesday night i crashed again. I've been throwing up and in crappy shape since then. Constant nausea.

Hubby is back in TX. Mom took Marius to his first pediatrician appointment earlier. He's 2 weeks old today. He now weighs 7lbs 4oz, and is 21 inches long. So he's gained 6oz and has grown 1.5 inches in 2 weeks.

Ughhhh.... I feel so sick. I'm so tired of this shit. I gotta go lay down or something.

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Monday, February 22, 2010

No progress to report today. Still in a shitload of pain. It's better when i'm laying down than when i'm upright, but now from trying to stay down so much my neck muscles don't feel strong enough to support my head when i sit up or stand. I'm just trying to stay positive and push through it. I just keep thinking about getting better so i can take care of Marius. I feel like i'm missing out on everything. He's 10 days old today. I can't believe it. I feel so left out. Everyone else is taking care of him and i can't do shit. He loves spending time with his daddy, and hubby has done such an awesome job taking care of him around the clock. Marius' umbilical stump fell off today, and i couldn't even see. Now he can take real baths and wear outfits with pants, but i can't bathe or dress him :( I'm getting frustrated. I want to do so much with him. I want to take real photos of him with my
new camera.

I wish I knew what was going on with my girls. Sue, I hope Teagan has arrived by now!

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Sunday, February 21, 2010

I love my guys :)

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Still feel like shit. Been using the heating pad on my neck/shoulders, and that seems to help a little. I'm so thankful to have the family and friends that I do. I feel so blessed. I would never have even begun to make it through this without you guys, and I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all your love and prayers.

Hubby flew in very early Saturday morning, and he is THE BEST FATHER. From the minute he got here, he's been taking care of everything Marius needs and also tending to me. I couldn't ask for anyone better. I'm so in love.

I'm still pumping & dumping. I'm getting between 4-5oz/session. I just hope that my supply stays like this once I'm better and all these drugs are out of my system.

More later. xoxo

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Friday, February 19, 2010

I'm laying in my own bed, snuggling Marius, and it's the greatest feeling in the world. I never, ever, EVER want to let him go again. I swear, just looking at his precious little face and hearing his contented sighs is enough to cure ANY ailment.

Tonight, Marius and his daddy will meet for the very first time. It's going to be the most amazing moment, and I'm gonna try to capture the moment on film. Please pray that Kylief gets home safely.

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I hate trying to sleep in the hospital. It's so uncomfortable.

I think my headache is starting to get better. I'm trying to make sure that I get medication as soon as I can around the clock to try and combat it. Up until yesterday afternoon/evening I had a hard time with being upright. I was using the bedpan because every time I stood up, my head would pound uncontrollably. I'm not sure what changed, but last night I was able to get up twice without my pain increasing or my head throbbing, which was awesome. I even seemed to have less pain while in bed. I think I'm still doing pretty well with pain management. I got some sleep earlier, got my pain meds a little after 5 am, then got up to use the bathroom. My head started hurting a little more & pounded a few times, but not like it used to. I think it may have been because I was laying down for a while. I've been sitting upright since then and it seems to be dissipating. I pumped & got a little over
4oz total, which I'm happy with.

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It's funny how things work out..

So we all know how the military wouldn't let hubby come home to see the birth of his son. But he got to see the WHOLE THING on webcam, which was absolutely AMAZING. Then I ended up in the ER, found out I had a subdural hematoma, and they still weren't gonna send him home. In his panic to run and alert one of his superior officers, he managed to seriously injure his foot. He landed on it wrong and has a bad contusion and is in a ton of pain. Now the military says he's unfit to perform his duties for 2 weeks, so it'll set him back 2 weeks in school. BUT.... THEY'RE SENDING HIM HOME FOR A WEEK!!!! It's so crazy how things work out. It sucks that his foot is all messed up, but now he gets to see his son when he's a week old instead of having to wait until he's 3 months old to meet him for the first time! I feel so blessed. Now I can take those pictures I've always wanted- little Marius in
his daddy's big ol' hands.

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Thursday, February 18, 2010

I was supposed to go for a repeat CT scan today, but they did a head MRI last night & can actually see the bleed better on the MRI. The doctor hasn't been in to see me yet today, but my nurse this morning said that the blood is still there. She said it doesn't look like it's still bleeding, it just hasn't reabsorbed yet. I'll have to ask the doctor how long that might take.

The hospital I'm at now (Ellis) is GREAT. Their nursing staff is amazing & they're so accomodating. My milk started coming in on Tuesday. Ellis doesn't have an L&D unit- Bellevue is their birthing facility a few miles away. The ER I went to was at Ellis' smaller satellite campus, & when we found out they had to transfer & admit me, we asked if they could provide me with a pump so I didn't get engorged & end up with more problems. The pump was in my room when I arrived. I was so impressed. I'm getting about 2oz/breast with each session. I have to dump it, but at least I can keep my supply coming. More later. xoxo

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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Still in ICU. Doctor just came to see me, so hopefully I'll know more soon. Morphine & phenegran didn't work to ease any pain, they put me on dilaudid, which they say is stronger than morphine, and that's not even BEGINNING to touch the pain. It's not having any effect at all. I hate this. I miss Marius. I should be bonding with him. I've only managed to change 2 of his diapers in the 5 days since he was born, and both of those were in my postpartum room @ Albany Med. I hate this shit. He needs me and I can't be there for him.

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Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Admitted to Ellis hospital neurosurgery

Admitted to Ellis hospital neurosurgery unit. Headache wasn't a spinal- It's a subdural hematoma. Dr will see me in the a.m.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Hey guys. Can't get on the computer. Spinal headache is KILLER, like I have helicopters in my head. New medicine today, so hopefully I'll get some relief soon.

Marius is doing well. I'm so freakin' smitten it isn't funny. He's so perfect in every way, and although I pushed him out and have a couple stitches to prove it, I STILL can't believe he's mine. Kylief and I made this perfect little tiny person, and damn, doesn't he look like a mixture of both of us. His hair is the exact same color as mine- it looks black, but it's actually really really dark espresso. The shape of his lips is the same as mine, but his mouth isn't narrow like mine- it's wide like his daddy's. He's got the same exact ears as Kylief (everyone always comments on how small Kyllief's ears are. Everyone has commented on how cute Marius' are.) He has long fingers and big feet like his daddy. AND he didn't come out white! Lol

Full birth story later. Hope all my fellow moms & expectant moms are doing well! xoxo

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Running on 3 hours of sleep (3:30-6:30am) and a wicked spinal headache. Full birth story and better pics later. Here's a teaser to hold you over. Introducing Marius Akuma Tucker. 2/12/2010, 10:19pm, 6lbs 14ozs, 19.5 inches.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Still pluggin along over here. They broke my water around 2:15pm, I was 2-3 cm dilated. Boy, did that feel NASTY!!! Fluid just kept gushing out and it felt like I was peeing myself. After that happened, the contractions really started coming harder and faster and got painful, to the point where I had to breathe through them. I asked for an epidural, waited, asked again, waited some more, still nothing. It took ridiculously long for the anesthesiologist to finally make it to my room. Then, of course, my spine had to be difficult. I have a deep arch, so no matter how much I pushed back to open up the space between my vertebrae, it just didn't open very far. They FINALLY got it in after like half an hour of super painful contractions. They checked me after I got comfortable and I was 4cm, 90%. That was at about 4:00. Let me tell you, I have a high pain tolerance, and labor without an
epidural hurts like a BITCH! lol Now we just wait some more... Hair still looks fabulous.

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Apparently I started on 2 milliunits of pitocin, and now I'm up to 20. Contractions are every 2-4 minutes (I had no idea, I'm not feeling them like that). She said we're where we want to be with frequency, we just have to get them stronger.

I asked if they were gonna do an internal exam, and she said they will when I'm ready for an epidural. I don't feel like I need one, but I maybe I should just to get it over with? I just want to know if there's something going on down there!

Ok, so far this isn't too bad. We had kind of a rocky start - initially, the nurse tried to put the IV in the back of my left hand, but I have difficult veins as it is, PLUS I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight last night, so the dehydration didn't help any. So she ended up blowing out the vein in the back of my hand and had to put the IV in the side of my wrist. I got here at 7:30, and the IV wasn't in until 9. Pitocin didn't start until around 9:30.

The nurse has increased the pitocin every half hour. I don't know what dose I started at, or what I'm at now, but I can feel the contractions getting stronger and more regular. I'm also feeling them more in my pelvic girdle, as opposed to the overall abdominal tightness I felt in the beginning.

My mom, mother-in-law, and Lexie are here with me, and we're all just chilling here, talking and laughing. Hubby and I tested the video connection and it seems to work ok. I'm so grateful that I was able to do this while he's off duty. It still sucks that he can't be here, but let me tell you, he looks just like any expectant father you'd see pacing the halls of the hospital.

This is still so surreal.

Leaving for the hospital. Bright-eyed

Leaving for the hospital. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (we'll see how long that lasts). Starving, but my hair looks FABULOUS.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Reflections...

I can't believe that in less than 24 hours I'm going to meet my son. This is something I've been waiting for for SO long, and it's just so surreal that it's really going to happen. Tomorrow.

It seems like just yesterday we were going through IVF. It seems like just yesterday that I got the phone call from CNY, informing me that I was pregnant, and then I called Lexie, crying so hard that she thought I was saying I WASN'T pregnant. I can't believe it.

Tomorrow, our lives will change. Forever. I will bring another human being into this world. A little, tiny, dependant human being, who is a piece of me and a piece of Kylief, all melded into one little person. It's unbelievable.

This whole pregnancy has felt so surreal, and tomorrow it will hit me, smack dab in the face, that this is the real deal. It's really happening. Right now, I still can't process that. Right now, I feel like I'm going to wake up from a good dream and all of this will disappear.

I can't wait to meet my little man, and hear him cry, and see his face for the first time. I wonder what he looks like... Does he have a head full of hair? Who's features did he inherit? What color is he? How big are his feet? I will find all this out tomorrow. I can't wait.

Marius, I'm so excited to meet you! I love you, my little cocoa puff!

Tomorrow, please follow me over to Our Little Man, my new blog where I can show off Marius and share with you the immense joy (and trials and tribulations) of motherhood.

No change. Still 1cm, 80%.

No change. Still 1cm, 80%. Induction scheduled for 0730 tomorrow morning.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Beware: TMI POST!!!

I'll be talking about my mucus plug, so if you're squeamish, please close out of your internet browser now.




OK, if anyone is still with me....


I went pee earlier, and when I wiped, there was some gooey mucus on the toilet paper. I stuck my finger up there, and there was stringy, gooey mucus, and a chunk the size of a jelly bean came out. I was like, "Oh cool. My mucus plug." It felt like a sticky, wet booger, and was slightly translucent, and off-white with a slightly yellowish tinge.

Fast forward another 30 minutes or so. I go pee again. I wipe. The toilet paper pulls out more mucus. I can feel it stretch out and come to the outside. So I keep getting fresh, dry toilet paper and keep wiping, and it keeps coming out. Some of it had little brownish flecks in it. I got a few more big globs (bigger than the first). If I put it all together, I'd probably have a golf ball-sized hunk of mucus. I was definitely not expecting this much. I mean, I've Googled "mucus plug", and everything I found looked like the jelly bean-sized chunk I pulled out the first time. Now, I'm REALLY crampy. I have a feeling that my water is gonna break. You know that snapping sound that a water balloon makes when it bursts? I feel like I'm just going to sit up and hear that sound. I REALLY don't want to go into labor tonight, otherwise hubby wouldn't be able to tune in until sometime late tomorrow morning, and my doctor is at Bellevue. I'd go to Albany Med, regardless, and I guess just be delivered by whoever's on-call, but it would be nice to have my doctor there, because I actually like and trust her.

Stay in there, Marius!! (At least until tomorrow night, when Dr. Burstyn can make it to Albany Med!)

Monday, February 8, 2010

Progress!

I had my last ultrasound at Dr. Burstyn's office today. Marius was doing everything he was supposed to and was quite active. He's still weighing about 6lbs 14oz and he was practicing his breathing. An internal exam revealed that I am now 1cm dilated and..... 80% effaced!!! How crazy is that? On Friday, I was totally closed and only slightly soft, but not effaced at all. I can't believe how fast and how much things changed!

So now that my cervix is already doing it's thing, I don't have to go in Thursday night for the Cervidil. The plan now is to go in Friday morning to start Pitocin if I don't go into labor before that. Really hoping I can hold out til Friday!!!

Friday, February 5, 2010

Down to the WIRE!!!

Today marks 39 weeks! Holy cow!

I ran some errands yesterday, which included going to the mall to buy my new camera, so I decided to walk around the mall for like 20-30 min, plus the hour+ I spent standing in Best Buy. Last night after I got home, I started getting pretty crampy, then was getting some twinges in my cervix, then I stood up and had constant pain/pressure right across the front from hip bone to hip bone. So I paced around the house for a lil while, went up and down the stairs to switch laundry over, and the whole time I was getting shooting pains on and off that would stop me dead in my tracks until they passed. They weren't spaced apart at any specific interval, and I didn't notice any hardening at the top of my uterus, but I figured they were contractions, since I've never felt anything like that before.

Well, I had the same shooting pain (just once) while I was hooked to the monitors for my weekly NST today at Dr. Burstyn's office. It was confirmed that it was indeed a contraction. Woo hoo!! However, Sue (the NP) checked me and said my cervix is starting to thin slightly, but no dilation. Also... Sue was like "So, have you talked to the doctor about induction?" I told her how I talked to the doctor on Tuesday, but she was booked at Bellevue for the time I would be induced. She then said, "Well, it looks like we can get you into Albany Med to start Cervidil on Thursday night if you don't go into labor before then." WOO HOOO!!! I will have a baby by Friday night. Sooooo freakin' excited!!!!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Still more BS from the old OB's office.

Ok, so when I made my initial appointment with the new OB, they asked me to call and have Dr. Clark's office fax over my records. I called Dr. Clark's office and asked them to fax my records to Dr. Burstyn's office. They said they can't- that they'll have to photocopy them and I'll have to come pick them up. And the cost for photocopying would be.... 75 CENTS PER PAGE!!! I told the woman I was speaking to that 75 cents was really steep, so I'd have to think about it and probably wouldn't get everything copied (the chart consists of ACOG sheets, labs, and ultrasounds). The lady that handles the copying of records there wasn't in that day, so the other lady took my number and said she'd have the other lady call me the next day. Ok, cool.

So the next day, the records lady called me. I explained to her that I was unemployed and 75 cents was a LOT to charge to photocopy one page of information. I asked her to price things out different ways (everything, ACOGs only, and ACOGs/labs). After she gave me the prices, I told her I'd go with ACOGs only ($12.75!!). She then says to me, "OK, well, I already copied everything. I'll just take out what you don't want." Really? I mean, I'd assume that charging 75 cents per page was their way to pay for the toner in the copier, and here this woman is, just copying things all willy-nilly, and now she's just wasting paper and toner. They then told me that, in addition to paying $12.75 for the records, I'd have to pay the rest of the co-pays ($45) I owed them before they'd give me the records. (Keep in mind, I only owed them for 3 service dates that they hadn't even billed me for yet, and that didn't appear as balances due on my checkout sheet. AND when I started going there, I tried to pay my co-pay at my visit, but they told me I couldn't because they weren't sure what my insurance was going to charge each time. They'd have to wait until the claim was submitted to and processed by the insurance company before they could tell me how much to pay them, even though my co-pay is always $15 for an office visit. Then they'd send me a bill a month later.) Sooo... I thought "fuck that- they can shove those records where the sun don't shine, and I hope they get a papercut in the process." I didn't go pick them up, but instead called Dr. Burstyn's office to tell them I couldn't get my records because of the other practice's extortionist fees.

The receptionist at Dr. Burstyn's office said "Don't worry about it. When you come in for your appointment, you can fill out a release here and we can fax it over and request them from Dr. Clark's office." Awesome. So that's what I did, and Dr. Clark's office had my records faxed over within 20 minutes at that appointment. So why the fuck did Dr. Clark's office tell me they couldn't fax the information over? They never said anything about filling out a records release request and having my other doctor send it over. They just straight up told me that they could not fax my records to them.

Sooo... fast forward to today. I get a bill in the mail from Dr. Clark's office. I'm thinking, "OK, this is probably from my last 3 office visits, which they haven't billed me for yet." WRONG! It's a bill for $12.75, and in the "Description" column, it says "Medical records". ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? They're billing me for having to copy my records, when the lady, of her own accord, copied them all before even talking to me to find out what I needed??? I'm not paying them. I didn't want physical copies of my records in the first place- I wanted them faxed to another practice, but was told I HAD to have them copied. Dr. Clark's office can SUCK IT.