I HATE my OB's office. And updates.

Did I mention that I HATE MY OB's OFFICE???

So at my first NST (January 6th), the nurse practitioner that unhooked me from the monitors said to me "Oh my... your ankles are really swollen!" However, she never even looked at my ankles or touched them (they were not swollen AT ALL), and at the time I was wearing jeans that went all the way down to the top of my foot (and are too long on me anyway, so I had them folded up about 2 inches AND they were still bunched around my ankle because they're STILL too long. I have a 27 inch inseam. So sue me). This was the first time I saw this lady, and the first time she pissed me off.

Fast forward to my second NST this past Monday (January 11). I get the SAME bitch. Whatever. I'll deal. I get on the table, and before she even tries to hook me to the monitors, she grabs my belly in both hands and roughly shoves it from side to side a few times and says "Let's get this baby moving." That shit HURT! And she didn't even tell me she was gonna do it. Just grabbed my belly and started shoving. However, since I've never been pregnant before, I thought, "Eh, maybe it's standard practice", and although I was BEYOND pissed, I left it at that, even though 1. She had no indication that the baby could possibly NOT be moving, since she hadn't even hooked me to the monitor yet (and since he's a vampire and isn't really active during the day) and 2. If she wanted to MAKE him move, all she had to do was hook me to the monitor or use the doppler, because the amplified sound of his heartbeat annoys the shit out of him and he tries to get away from it. She hooks me up, leaves the room, forgets to bring me my cup of water.... whatever. I'm sitting there playing my DS, and the 20 minutes goes by fairly quickly.

She comes back in the room, AGAIN comments on how swollen my ankles are, AGAIN without even touching them, and AGAIN when they're not swollen AT ALL. Now it's time for my Strep B swabs, so I get undressed and wait for her to come back in. Now, the nurse who set me up in the room got all the equipment out for the strep B test before she called in the bitch who did my NST. (TMI alert...) I mentioned to her that I felt like I might be getting a yeast infection, so she got out the stuff for a wet mount and a culture. Great. Thank you. So the bitch of a nurse practitioner comes in to do my strep B swab, and I tell her that I feel like I'm getting a yeast infection. She asks me what my symptoms are. I tell her that my discharge is slightly thicker. She cuts me off and says "A change in discharge is normal in pregnancy. Does it itch?" I say no. However, I'm one of those women who gets a yeast infection EVERY time she's on antibiotics and catches them early before all that itchiness happens, and even though I haven't been on antibiotics lately, I still felt like I was getting one. I know my body, and I listen to it. All it would take is a simple wet mount and a culture. Even if they come back negative, that's fine. I would just like to rule it out. Is that too much to ask??

So anyway, I told her, "No, it doesn't itch, but I've had recurrent yeast infections in the past and can catch them early before they get to that point." To which she replies, "Well, if they weren't itchy, then it probably wasn't yeast." EXCUSE ME? WERE YOU THERE? NO. My previous doctor, as much as she fucked up everything by failing to diagnose me properly and telling me that all the pain I was feeling was in my head, when in fact it was adenomyosis and interstitial cystitis, SHE did a wet mount EVERY TIME and could SEE the yeast under the microscope. I was floored. Who the fuck does this woman think she is? And she's not even a doctor. She's a glorified nurse. Then she proceeds to tell me, "Well, if you feel like you're getting a yeast infection, pick up a 7-day cream at the store and use it." WHAT? I'm not putting that crap in my body unless I KNOW I have a yeast infection, 1. If I DON'T have one, I'm not going to disrupt the balance of things, 2. I'm PREGNANT and am not going to take a medication if it's unnecessary, and 3. The over-the-counter shit DOES NOT WORK for me. But she didn't even take a swab or anything and my appointment was over. I was so pissed that I couldn't even do anything. I just had to leave, or that woman would have probably ended up having her day ruined by a physical altercation, in which she would have been on the receiving end of one HELL of a right hook.

I called the office the next day, after I had some time to mull it over, and told them how pissed I was that she wouldn't even do a simple test, and told them I wanted to see a DOCTOR (even though there's only 3 doctors left in the practice after my favorite one moved, and of the 3 I only like one of them). They said Dr. Clark didn't have any openings, but come in at 2:15 and they'll squeeze me in to see him. Very accomodating. Awesome. So I see Dr. Clark, and I'm trying to explain to him the actions of the NP two days before, and how frustrated I am with the practice in general because no one seems to listen and it's like an assembly line, and then you get pushed out the door, and HE'S NOT EVEN LISTENING!! He's so focused on getting the swab done and moving on the the next patient. He keeps repeating "Lay back and let me take a look" or something to that effect. No "I'm sorry" or anything. Just ready to move on to the next widget on the assembly line.

I've HAD IT with this practice. I'm seriously considering a switch, even though I'm 36 weeks today. They will NOT do an internal exam unless they see that I'm having contractions on the monitor while in their office, or if I reach 40 weeks and haven't delivered. Ok, EVERY night now when I wake up to use the bathroom and go from a prone position to standing, the top of my belly gets rock hard and I feel the sides pull. It hurts. Everything I've felt during this pregnancy, from my one episode of Braxton-Hicks to gas pains, etc., has been at NIGHT. That's when my body really seems to come alive. That's the only time Marius is ever really active. I'm lucky if I feel him move twice during daylight hours. So because I don't have any contractions during the measley 20 MINUTES, ONCE A WEEK that I'm strapped to the monitor in the doctor's office, then an internal exam is out of the question. Even though it seems standard practice for doctors to be doing regular internal exams at this stage of one's pregnancy. I'd like to know if I'm dilated and/or effaced, thank you very much, especially since I like to be prepared as possible, and I have to somehow be able to notify hubby when the time comes so he might be able to be near his laptop to witness the birth.

And, finally, the icing on the cake. After the beating my belly took on Monday from that bitch, Marius has shifted. The WHOLE TIME, he's been head down. For the last X amount of weeks, I've felt his hiccups right above my pubic bone, and his feet were up under my left breast, just about 2 inches from the center. So we'll say, if you were standing in front of me and facing me, his head was at 6 o'clock, and his feet were at 1 o'clock. NOW, after this whole episode, I'm feeling his hiccups over on the right side, and his feet on the left side. His butt is lower and more on the left. Right now, it feels like his head is at 8 o'clock, and his feet are at 3 o'clock. He's been like this all week. He was always in the other position before, for WEEKS and WEEKS on end and never turned himself sideways. He was content right where he was. Now he's all sideways and shit. I SWEAR, if I end up having to have a c-section because this baby is stuck sideways and won't turn for a vaginal delivery, I'm going to KILL the nurse practitioner.

Oh yeah... the title also says "Updates"... Well, hubby has his laptop now, so we can video chat. We tried Skype, but IT SUCKS. Kept dropping calls, his voice was crazy distorted and there was a HUGE audio lag. So we've switched to Yahoo video calling and, although there's still a little lag, both the video and audio are clearer, and it doesn't drop the call every 3 seconds like Skype did. What else... Oh! I went to DSS and applied for Medicaid for me and Marius (the military won't put Marius on any of hubby's paperwork until we get a paternity test because he was "conceived" when hubby was in basic training. Even a letter from Dr. Grossman at CNY, stating that we did, in fact, undergo IVF using my eggs and his sperm isn't good enough, so we get to pay $500 out of pocket for a legal DNA test like some kind of Maury Show scum child support case). Anyway, DSS said that since I'm eligible for Medicaid, I can either take Medicaid, or stay on COBRA and they'll pay my COBRA premiums. Shit, if I had known that, I would have gone there in June or July and saved $175/month in premiums, plus all the $15 copays from my doctor visits. Whatever. Water under the bridge, right? At least they'll go back 3 months and reimburse the COBRA payments that I've made since October.

I think there was something else I wanted to say, but hell if I can remember it now. Shoot, I'm surprised anyone is still even reading this since it's so long.... Sorry for the rant, and thanks for sticking with it....