Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Verdict on the burrito...

Pretty damn good!

Not as good as the chicken bacon ranch chalupa they had like 2 summers ago, but good nonetheless!!!


OMG. I need this.

I keep seeing this damn commerical on TV for Taco Bell's new Bacon Cheesy Potato Burrito. It looks so good. We used to have a Taco Bell/KFC down the street, but they took all the Taco Bells out of the KFC's, so now it's just a KFC. Bummer.

Luckily, my mom's on her way home from work, and there's a Taco Bell on her way. Score!!! I can't wait to try itttttttttttt.

The only thing that sucks is it's probably just a limited time thing. Like the chicken bacon ranch burrito they used to have. That thing was DELIGHTFUL, but it was a limited time thing, and they haven't had it since. They need to get it back ASAP.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

One week to go...

...before daddy-to-be will be home!!! I'm so excited!!! He called me earlier, and it was so nice to hear his voice. He's definitely ready to come home, and I'm definitely ready for him to come home! In retrospect, it seems like time has flown by, but as the time was actually passing, it seemed soooo slowwwwww.

I think hubby is excited about finally being able to come to one of my appointments and see/hear his son on ultrasound. I want to spend as much time together as possible before he has to leave again, and, as much as I don't want him to have to leave again, I hope he gets to go to tech school ASAP so he can be here for as much of my last trimester as possible. I want to be able to take pictures with him with my big baby belly, and I damn sure want him to be here for the birth of his son! If he misses that, I'll be PISSED (not to mention very disappointed), but I'll have to understand that he has to do what he has to do for the military. After all, we're going to have to find a place to live when he gets back, and we're gonna need his signing bonus to do that. Hopefully that happens before our son is born so we can set up the nursery and have everything as ready as possible before we bring our baby home. I REALLY don't want to have a baby while I'm temporarily at my mom's house, scrambling for space.

Counting the days til daddy comes home. ♥

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Congrats Lexie!

After being so worried that she wouldn't graduate, Lexie DID, and within the same 4 years as the rest of her classmates. She totally busted her ass this year, and her hard work paid off!

The graduation itself was disorganized as hell. A few weeks ago, seniors had to stand in line for quite some time to get tickets for their families to be able to attend graduation. They only got 3 tickets at a time, so if they wanted more, they had to keep getting back in the long line and wait again.

Well, no one (and I mean NO ONE) checked tickets at the convention center, or at the door to the graduation ceremony. There were probably about twice as many people there than the number of tickets they gave out.

Now, to me, a ticket represents a seat at whatever event the ticket is for. But all these family members & friends of graduates who never bothered to stand in line for tickets still attended the ceremony, and there was hardly any seating for those who actually had tickets, and there were a ton of people who had to stand during the 2+ hour event. All of our party (except Jake) managed to find seats here and there, but we were all split up, which was disappointing.

Regardless of the seating situation, we all got to see Lexie walk across the stage. And she didn't even fall on her face! ♥

Friday, June 26, 2009

7 weeks

I heard my lil man's heartbeat for the first time. What an awesome sound!!! It's the best sound I've ever heard in my life!

Mom, Lexie, and Anthony were there to witness it. Daddy will be home (FINALLY!) in a little over a week, so he'll be able to go to my next appointment with me! YAY!

I'm freakin' exhausted. Me and Lexie ended up in the mall again today. We each got a pair of jeans. Anthony fell asleep in the car on the way there, and he was out like a light! He always wakes up when we enter a public place, but this time he kept on sleepin'. Of course, we didn't bring the stroller because we were just gonna run in, grab the jeans, and run out, so we figured he would just walk. (FYI - Lexie and I have never managed an in-and-out shopping trip.) Anthony was passed out for the first 15 minutes we were in the mall. He was so hard to carry, because it was just dead weight.

He didn't even wake up when we walked into Wet Seal, with its music blaring. Lexie went in to try on her jeans, and he was still sleeping. Then, in a dead sleep, he kicked his foot in the air and grabbed it with his hands. After that, he woke up and grabbed a pair of shoes were near us in the store. After mama checked out, he insisted on carrying the bag with her jeans around the mall. He's so damn cute!!!

I'm going to bed now. Gotta get up and go to Lexie's graduation tomorrow! So excited!!

2 famous white women died today...

the gorgeous Farrah Fawcett, and the not-so-gorgeous Michael Jackson. Now, I'm not big on this whole celebrity gossip thing. I'm sick of watching the news. It's sad that Farrah lost her battle with cancer. She fought long and hard. But what the hell happened to the King of Pop? Random cardiac arrest? C'mon.

If I hadn't already learned the cause of Michael Jackson's death, I would've guessed that all the plastic fell off his face and he ended up with a deadly infection.

But I don't really care (as harsh as it sounds) that he's dead. He's been completely useless the last decade or so, doing stupid shit like dangling babies over balconies. He was starving for attention, and I can't respect that.

He was one of the cutest little Black boys I've ever seen, with one of the sweetest afros I've ever seen. And then he got his first nose job. Then more and more nose jobs, and... straight, silky hair? Get outta here. I understand, he had vitiligo, which was causing his skin to turn white in patches, but that doesn't warrant having plastic surgery to make his features caucasian (and feminine?), or getting a weave or whatever the hell that is to have luxurious hair that any woman would envy. What was wrong with his African-American features and his natural hair?? He grew from a handsome Black boy into one of the ugliest white women of all time.

They showed a picture from when he was on trial for all that underage boy nonsense, and I was like, What is WRONG with this picture? And then I realized it - he hadn't shaved in a few days and had some stubble growing. I've never seen the new Michael Jackson with facial hair, and it was freakish. It was like seeing the bearded lady at the circus.

I don't get it.

How the hell does this happen???

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Snap, crackle, pop BEEYOTCH!!!!

Yeah, that's right. I made me some Rice Krispies Treats! Come to find out, we had marshmallows ALL ALONG!!! It was a partial bag, so I didn't think we had enough, but the recipe only calls for a 10oz bag, and this one was a 16oz bag with some missing. I plopped that bitch on the food scale, and it weighed in at 9.875oz. Close enough for me!

I'll probably polish off this entire pan in less than 24 hours and wind up with a stomach ache, but I don't care. They're sooooooo gooooooooood.

My little cocoa puff enjoyed the nachos last night, and I hope he likes this wonderful confection I just made for him! ♥


Got me some nachos! w00t w00t! I just realized that there is ONE establishment within late-night-hormonal-pregnant-woman driving distance from my house that serves food anytime after 9 pm. I called them at 1:50. Was there by 1:57 for my nachos. They close at 2.

Now, they're not NEARLY as good as the nachos at Diamond 8 (those come with sour cream, and Danielle the bartender makes them with love), but they're nachos nonetheless. Salty. Cheesy. Crunchy. Well, kinda cheesy - she skimped on the toppings, and they use the spicy cheese; I prefer the regular cheese. And Diamond 8 has real chili on their nachos, with whole kidney beans. The stuff on these nachos looks more like bloody diarrhea.

I already had heartburn before I ordered, and it hasn't subsided. In fact, it's gotten a little worse, so this nacho experience is gonna be interesting.

Wish I had some sour cream :(


Ok, so now that I'm pregnant, I've been getting the hiccups AT LEAST 3 times a day, and they last for quite a while.

According to Lexie, there's an old wives tale that says if you have hiccups during your pregnancy, your baby will have a lot of hair.

However, most of these old wives tales are completely absurd. One says that if you deny a pregnant woman what she craves, you'll get a stye in your eye. I'm pretty sure withholding a certain food from an expectant mother will NOT cause an ocular bacterial infection. However, my mom wouldn't make me Rice Krispies Treats the other day, and I'm secretly hoping her eye starts hurting. That'll teach her.

Mmmmm... Rice Krispies Treats... I need to make some like, right now.

Shit... I don't think we have any marshmallows :'(

Anyway, if there is ANY grain of truth to the hiccups-and-hair theory, I will give birth to something resembling a gorilla. Of this I'm certain.

I wonder how the Rice Krispies Treats recipe would taste with Cocoa Puffs instead of crisped rice...

According to General Mills, Cocoa Puffs are "naturally and artificially flavored frosted corn puffs". I mean, if rice tastes good with marshmallows and butter, corn must too, right? I need to get some marshmallows and spend some time in the kitchen tomorrow.

Yummmm... Count Chocula!!! I'll have to get some of that too. (Still on the General Mills site, and forgot about half these cereals.)

I really want chili cheese nachos from Diamond 8 Billiards right now. Grrrr...

Sweetest shoes I've seen in a loooong time.

Me and Lexie were in the mall today (for *cough* 5 HOURS!), and I saw these shoes at Champs (although I could only find a pic on the Finish Line website). They're SWEET. I want them for my son. The ones we found in the store were infant/toddler sizes (starting at 2c), and they look much better in little, itty bitty proportions than they do in big kid size, but this is the only pic I could find:

Sweet, right? I wish I could put these on my baby registry. My son already has a bigger wardrobe than I do. Now I have to get him up to par with his footwear!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happy Father's Day!

First, I wanna say HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to my hubby. Next year our lil man will be here to celebrate! ♥

Here's a list of some of my favorite fathers:

Hubby. Well, techincally, he's a father-to-be, but a father nonetheless. ♥
(And 2 weeks til he comes home!!!)

Grandpa. The only father I've ever known. ♥

Jake. Because without him, I wouldn't have a little buddy to spoil. ♥

Uncle Mike. I practically live at his house. He feeds me all the time. And without him, there would be no Jake, and without Jake, there would be no Anthony. And THAT would really suck. ♥

and, last but not least,

Steve Kirker. 'Cause without him, my bestest friend would never have been born, and without her, Anthony would never have been born. ♥
(I'm starting to see a pattern here... lol)

You guys rock!

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there.

This still doesn't feel real.

Even with the blood tests, HPT, and ultrasounds, it's still hard for me to believe I'm pregnant. Like, just the sound of it: "No, I can't have a drink with you. I'm pregnant", or "I'm pregnant - please don't blow smoke this way." It's crazy. I never thought I'd be able to say this. It sounds... I don't know... foreign, I guess. I'm not feeling very pregnant. I just get tired very easily and eat certain things, and more of them than I used to. lol

I could say it 10 times and it would still sound foreign.

I'm pregnant.
I'm pregnant?
I'm pregnant!
I'm pregnant!
I'm pregnant!
I'm pregnant!
I'm pregnant!
I'm pregnant!
I'm pregnant!
I'm pregnant!

Yup. Still sounds foreign. Maybe it'll seem more real when hubby is home with me and we talk about it, and I can hear how he feels, and see how excited he is. And of course there's the naming process (on which we have made no headway whatsoever. In his last letter he said he hasn't thought of any good names yet. Grrr).

Hey, guess what? I'M PREGNANT!!!

Friday, June 19, 2009

We have a heartbeat!!!

Today was awesome. I'm at 6w and my lil man's heart is fluttering away!!! It was such a wonderful thing to see, that little flickering on the screen, and I can't wait to hear it! Jolene says we should be able to hear it next week, and they'll also be able to determine his heart rate. She said it was a little early to determine the heart rate today, and he was being a little difficult to find today- in the picture and back out in like .2 seconds! lol One tiny movement of the wand, and *poof* he was off the screen!

I expected to see a yolk sac with newborn-size feet, but alas, no feet yet! lol He's about 2.5mm crown to rump. It's amazing to think that you can see the heart beating in something that tiny.

I love you, cocoa puff!!! Can't wait to see you next week!!! ♥

Thursday, June 18, 2009

My stroller is here!

I'm lucky it even made it here. The box got so beat up in transit that the shipping label was ripped and all they could make out was my street name, not the number: they thought it was either a 2 or a 12 (it was a 2). The mailman backed his truck up to the door and said "Did anyone order a stroller?" I said yes, and he gave it to me. He didn't even ask for any proof. He could've gone to any of my neighbors and any one of them could've claimed it and taken it. I'm hoping none of my neighbors would've done that, but you know how it is these days. People are all sorts of f***** up. Good thing he came to my house first!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Not-that-late-night eating

It's almost midnight, and guess what I'm cooking?

Yeah. You got it: POTATOES!

But hey, I didn't really have any dinner. I bought a large fry from Wendy's on my way to Lexie's house at like 7 (yeah, I know. French fries = potatoes), but when I got to her house, her almost 23 month old son Anthony ate half of them. Little shit. But I can't deny him- he's my little buddy.

He's so freakin' cute. He's starting to get the whole talking thing down. Most of the time he's just jabbering away in some type of baby gibberish. He knows exactly what he's saying, but no one else can make heads or tails of it. But he will blabber on all day long. "Alksff askmfsdfd sakdafnskdf afkd BALL ajsdadjd" or "Idfalkmkdm dokegrg lasldfo DOGGIE UHH UHH!" (That's how he barks, and "doggie" is pronounced "dawjy".)

I would totally steal him, but he has blonde hair and blue eyes, so there's no way he'd match my set!

I was so scared today.

I had horrible cramps earlier (equal to, if not worse than, my period cramps, which are debilitating); no spotting. I could feel it from hip bone to hip bone, in my back, and in my legs down to my knees. It freaked me out so bad that I called the emergency number for the on-call nurse at my doctor's office, because anytime I've ever felt pain like that before (when I didn't have my period) was when something was wrong. Let me tell you - I LOVE my doctor's office. Justine was so reassuring. She advised me that it was perfectly safe to take 2 extra strength Tylenol every 4-6 hours if I needed (even though I'd prefer not to), and that these cramps were totally normal. The only time I should be really concerned is if there's a considerable amount of bleeding along with the cramps.

I'm still a little crampy, but not even close to what I was feeling earlier. Well, techincally yesterday afernoon, now. lol

I really wish I could stay with CNY Fertility Center for 40 weeks :(

Monday, June 15, 2009


I'm so crampy today. Even though it's probably from the progesterone inserts, it still makes me nervous. Praying my little man is OK and is happy in there.

I love you, cocoa puff! ♥

Happy birthday to my hubby!

I was all set and ready to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to hubby when he called last night, but we only had like 5 minutes to talk (the call actually lasted 4m, 56s), and most of it consisted of him complaining about the guys he's in charge of, and of course, talking about our son. So saying happy birthday totally slipped my mind in that <5 minutes and I feel really bad =(

It's not like I forgot his birthday, and I told him happy birthday in the letter I sent him this past Friday, because I never expected a phone call. They're not protocol there- each trainee is allowed one initial call to provide his family with his address, and anything additional is just a bonus, and at the hands of each individual training instructor.

But it still doesn't stop me from feeling bad. I had the opportunity to personally tell him, the day before his birthday, and it totally slipped my mind. I hope I didn't disappoint him =(

Well, anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY!!!!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Oh, strollers!

So I love dinosaurs, and I bought a Graco SnugRide infant carseat in the "Super Saurus" pattern on clearance last summer to put away for when the time finally came. Welll... it was on clearance because Graco was discontinuing the Super Saurus pattern. Great.

I've been trying to find the matching stroller for a while. I've seen a couple listed on eBay here and there, but I don't want a used stroller, and the new ones that were on there were bid up to like $200, so that was a no-go.

I just did a Google search for "Graco Super Saurus Stroller", and got a few hits, but every site I clicked on said it was out of stock. I know there's no way they're gonna get more in, because it's a discontinued pattern.

Then, I decided to click on one last link, and what did I find? Smaller site TheBabyPlanetOnline.com had it!!! And for only $88.99!!! w00t w00t! So with shipping, it was $105 and change. AWESOME! I'm so excited. Daddy might not be so happy that I used his debit card, but I'll put the money back in his account. If I haaaaaave to.

Feelin' good....

Got a phone call from hubby earlier! I was so excited. Of course, he was pissed off because the guys he's in charge of have no ambition and whatnot, so it kind of bummed me out. But when I mentioned the baby his demeanor changed a little, and I could hear a smile in his voice. I told him I wished I could've seen his face when he got the news that we're pregnant, but he assured me there were plenty of people who witnessed it and congratulated him. I can't wait til he gets home. Then everything will feel more complete... well, at least for a while, until he goes to tech school. NOT looking forward to that. =(

But I am looking forward to spending time with him, and shopping/preparing for our son together.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Missing my Airman like crazy =(

I've been thinking about my upcoming appointment a lot today. I'm excited and nervous at the same time- I'm praying that I see a heartbeat on Friday. I've been blessed enough to make it this far, and I hope I can see my little miracle thriving at my 6w appointment.

I just wish his daddy could be here to see this. It's hard doing this without him here, but I wouldn't change anything. He'll be home in a few weeks. Looking at the calendar, I'll be 8w3d when he gets home, so maybe I can postpone my 8w prenatal appt until he gets here so he can come with me. I'll have to remember to ask them about it on Friday. After that, I should be graduating to an OB. They said they could release me to an OB earlier, because once pregnancy is achieved the fertility center becomes an out-of-network provider, so I have to pay 20% of all the services rendered instead of just a copay. But Dr. Grossman and all the girls at CNY are awesome. I wish I could stay there for 40 weeks, but I can't afford it. I guess I'll just stick with them for the full 8 weeks and then see an OB.

That reminds me... I have to call a couple OB's to see if they're accepting new patients. I'm leaning toward Dr. Angell at Albany Med, but when I was looking for a new GYN several months ago, there was a 1+ month waiting list to get in to see him. I probably should have started thinking about this sooner, but I didn't want to get my hopes up in case I got a BFN.

Haven't heard from hubby in 2 weeks =(

I hope they give him an opportunity to write soon. I really want to know what his reaction was to finding out that our IVF was successful, and to hear his thoughts and feelings. Still about 3 more weeks to go, but we're in the homestretch now. Just gotta be patient.

Ooohhhhh... my roasted potatoes are done!!!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I am the culinary MacGyver.

Oh yes. Cravings are kicking in! As I was just explaining to my girls on FertilityForums, I've been craving pizza for over an hour. It's pouring outside so there's no way in hell I'm gonna attempt to walk to my car - I hate it when my clothes get wet. And the pizza place stopped delivering at 9:30. Bummer.

HOWEVER.... I did manage to find a whole wheat wrap, some pasta sauce, and cheese...

The plot thickens.

::cue dramatic action music::

That's me, except with a pizza instead of a missile. Plus I have much bigger boobs, and much, MUCH better hair.

First ultrasound!

Here's my lil' cocoa puff! (Yes, the lil black dot that the cursor is pointing to!) I'm at 4w, 6d (this was my 5w appointment, but they didn't have any appointments open for tomorrow, so I had to go in a day early.) I'm so excited. I wish hubby coulda been there, but he's off doing what he has to do for our family, so hopefully we can buy a house this winter. I have an appointment scheduled for next Friday (6 weeks!). I'm praying we see a heartbeat then! My beta today was 1742 (up from 304 three days ago!), so that's lookin' pretty good.

Daddy needs to hurry up and get his black ass home so we can decide on a name. If it were up to me, he'd already have one, but noooooooo. Daddy wants to be difficult. :-p

It's 3 a.m. and I'm cooking pasta...

Yeah. You heard it here, folks. lol I went to bed at 11:30 and haven't been able to sleep, even though I'm exhausted. Then I realized I was damn near starving. I ransacked the fridge and pantry, and we really don't have shit to eat. I need to go grocery shopping ASAP. I did manage to find half a box of elbow macaroni and a jar of sauce, and I was like "MMMMMMM.... carbohydrates!" That's all I've been eating lately, mostly in the form of potatoes and pasta. Thank you cocoa puff. Those are like, my 2 favorite foods. Your daddy will be home soon to make them for me. ♥

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I wish McDonald's delivered...

I'm starving! But so far, the only things I've been able to eat today were 4 animal crackers and a Klondike bar, and even those didn't seem too appetizing. I haven't really had a taste for anything all day. Everything that I've looked at or thought about has made me feel sick. All of a sudden I feel like I really want McDonald's chicken nuggets. I don't normally eat at McDonald's, but right now, I could go for some McNuggets, but I don't feel like going over there to get them. I'm exhausted, and I really don't feel like driving at all. I just want to lay down. Now I know what men are for (other than contributing half the material to create the pregnancy in the first place)- they're supposed to get us food. Damn. Too bad hubby is in Texas for another 25 days.

Or, to look at it another way, in 25 days, I'll have someone to get me food. :-p

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


Still freakin exhausted. I feel like an old woman- half the time I'm laying in bed by 7 or 8! Still haven't heard from hubby. Only got 1 letter since he's been gone. I know he's extremely busy, so I'll be patient. 27 days to go, and then he'll be home.

I was gonna say something, but I forgot. (Oh no. Pregnancy brain already!)

Oh... my hCG level on my first beta was 50.6. 3 days later, it was 304! w00t w00t! Before she drew my blood, Michelle said she'd expect it to be around 150, because it usually doubles every 2-3 days. So hopefully 304 means he's rooted in there for the long haul.

When I mentioned it to my mom, she was like, "Maybe he split into identical twins!" Now THAT would be something. Our good friend Josh said he's an overachiever, just like his father (LOL!) My first prenatal appointment is on Thursday. I wonder what my levels will be like then... Definitely looking forward to it.

I've been craving potatoes like crazy. The other night, I felt kind of sick, so I decided I would try and eat something. Josh had a hot dog he couldn't finish, and it smelled good, so I decided to try it. I got one taste of the ketchup on it and almost threw up. So I waited a few hours, and I felt my stomach getting kinda grumbly. I REALLY wanted some poatoes and a peanut butter sandwich (separately, of course. Not together. This isn't some pickles n' ice cream type stuff. At least not yet!) I opened the bag of potatoes to get some out, and almost threw up. Onto plan B. I made a peanut butter sandwich. It smelled delicious. I took one bite out of it and almost puked. Grrrr!

Last night, my aunt roasted a chicken in the oven. I don't know about you, but I LOVE the skin off of roasted chicken. My mom cut a piece of skin off for me, and it tasted good, but I started chewing it and I couldn't handle the texture. I spit it out and then spit in the sink. I felt like I was gonna throw up. The whole time, my mom is LAUGHING at me! Like, she had tears in her eyes. Apparenty, my face totally changed and she could tell I was about to puke. I'm glad I can amuse someone. lol

My mom won $1,500 on a lottery scratch off today. That's pretty exciting. She said she'd buy me a belly band and this pair of Nikes I saw for my little cocoa puff. Sweet!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Freakin' exhausted, but loving every minute of it!!!

I woke up this morning and realized this wasn't a dream. This is the happiest I've ever been in my life. In 24 hours, my whole perspective on life, my whole way of thinking, has changed. Being a mother is my life dream, and I'm finally on my way to realizing that dream.

I sent hubby a letter telling him the good news. I wish I could see his face when he opens it. We've been waiting for this for so long. It sucks that he can't be here with me right now, but it's all good. As long as my little man is nice and comfortable in there, that's all that matters.

I used to feel really fucked up that I couldn't get pregnant the same way almost everyone else could. I used to feel like there was something terribly wrong with me, like I wasn't good enough. Like I wasn't a real woman. I used to hate the fact that I had to do IVF. Not anymore. I've come to realize that it doesn't matter. I've reached the same result as those who are not fertility-challenged, and I'm damn proud of it.

I love you, my little cocoa puff. Hang in there. I can't wait to see you!!! ♥

Saturday, June 6, 2009

So today....

...is officially the best day of my LIFE!!! My beta came back positive!!! When I got home, I took a HPT, just for the novelty of it. It was awesome! I still can't believe this. It feels so surreal. I guess it's really going to be crazy when I wake up tomorrow morning and realize this isn't a dream!!!

Speaking of dreams... So you know how we did PGD for a male embryo? Well, I was so nervous last night about my test today, that I had a dream about it. In the dream, a nurse was coming to my house with a portable ultraound machine. She also happend to be the sister of a kid I graduated with (weird). She didn't do a blood test. She did an ultrasound, and announced that I was 39 weeks, and it was a girl. So I looked at the screen, and all I saw was a little black n' white vagina!!! I was like, "Nooooooo!!!" And then I thought about it, like, how'd I get to 39 weeks? I've had no change in my abdomen at all. I'm not even showing. Then I looked down and had a huge belly. It was bizarre.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

19 hours, 37 minutes to go...

Knowing that I'm so close, I'm slightly (very slightly) less anxious than I have been.

Still worried. I feel a lot of pressure and discomfort in my lower abdominal area. Even pains in my ovaries. It may be a result of stopping the medication for interstitial cystitis, which has caused me a lot of pelvic pain over the las few years. Hopefully it's just that.

I've still resisted the urge to take a HPT, even though I have a box of 2 in my night stand.

We'll see what happens tomorrow....

Hope you're in there, little guy!!!! ♥

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Progesterone, anyone?

Ok, I feel a little better today (well, mentally, anyway). I'm still crampy and freakin' EXHAUSTED, but I've been doing some research. Here's what I found:

I looked up the side effects of the Prometrium inserts, and cramping is listed as a possible outcome.

Also, some of the women on FertilityForums (LOVE that site!) have reported feeling cramps (and thinking Aunt Flo was coming) in the days before their blood test, when they were, in fact, pregnant.

So that gave me some hope, and I'm feeling more optimistic than I was yesterday. Of course, I'm still anxious and nervous, and I've still got 2 days to go before my beta. But I'm trying to stay positive until I find out for sure.

(Ravioli/pierogie/cocoa puff - If you really are in there, I take back what I said yesterday ♥)

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Losing my mind....

Yesterday I was a little crampy, but it went away. Today I'm even more crampy, and it's lasted most of the day. You know how there are things you just know? Here's one: I'm gonna get my period. I can feel it. Here's two: I don't think he's in there. I don't know what to do. I wish hubby was here. I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do without him if this little guy doesn't make it. And I can't even communicate with him. I'll have to write him a letter and tell him about it, which will reach him days after it really happens. It just seems like a really impersonal way to tell someone that kinda news.

Monday, June 1, 2009

I've never been so anxious in my life.

I'm 6 days post transfer, and the time seems to be going by sooooo slowly, it isn't even funny. But looking back, I've made it 6 days already. Things are always MUCH faster in retrospect. Every day I pray that this little guy sticks in there. The day of the transfer, I was a little cramped up when he passed the catheter through my cervix, but the cramping went away while I was still in the office. I didn't feel any cramping after I got home from the doctor's office, except I felt one itty bitty pinprick-like cramp at what felt like the upper part of my uterus. It's probably wishful thinking, but I'd like to think that it was my little ravioli (or pierogie or cocoa puff, whichever you prefer) making himself comfortable. I sure hope so.

My pregnancy test is scheduled for Friday (3 days to go!). I'm resisting the urge to take a home pregnancy test. It's extremely tempting, but I don't want to end up with a false positive and get excited for no reason, or a false negative and be crushed. I'll just wait patiently until my blood test on Friday and be excited or crushed in the comfort of my doctor's office. But I will take one of I get a positive blood test, because I've always wanted to pee on one of those things and find out I'm pregnant like a normal person. Oh, the novelty of a urine test.

My boobs are also starting to feel tender, which they never did during any of the injections or anything. So maybe that's a good sign. My friend Jo-Ann's boobs started hurting her almost as soon as she got pregnant, but I'd imagine her's are a lot more sensitive than mine (she's barely a B cup. I'm an I cup.) I hope it's not the progesterone talking.

Speaking of progesterone- instead of giving me the injectable progesterone, my doctors prescribed me vaginal inserts, which I absolutely HATE. As they start to melt/dissolve, I keep thinking I'm bleeding, and it freaks me out. Every day. I'm not just going to assume that the feeling is as a result of the insert, because with my luck, the one time I didn't check, I really would be bleeding.

I've never felt this big a mix of emotions before. It's crazy. I get so excited about the prospect of possibly being pregnant, to bawling my eyes out over nothing and everything. I've also gotten really angry. A cab driver cut me off yesterday to the point where I almost rear-ended him and I wished I could shoot him, or at least watch him die in a fiery crash. I know, it's morbid, but that's how I felt. Cab drivers suck at life. They're the worst drivers of all time, and they get away with everything. When's the last time you saw a cab get pulled over??


I miss hubby like crazy... He's been gone for almost 4 weeks now. 4 1/2 more weeks to go. I hate not being able to talk to him whenever I want. We can write letters, but I don't think they give them time to write often. I just got the first letter from him this past Friday. It left San Antonio on May 26. He has been able to call me twice, though. All trainees get one initial phone call to give their family the address and to provide instructions on how to contact them in an emergency. And then he got a phone call home on May 21 because he's dorm chief and his dorm got 10/10 in their inspection.

I can't wait til he gets home.

I really want potatoes right now. And one of those orange n cream sodas that tastes like a Creamsicle. Mmmmmm.....