Monday, June 1, 2009

I've never been so anxious in my life.

I'm 6 days post transfer, and the time seems to be going by sooooo slowly, it isn't even funny. But looking back, I've made it 6 days already. Things are always MUCH faster in retrospect. Every day I pray that this little guy sticks in there. The day of the transfer, I was a little cramped up when he passed the catheter through my cervix, but the cramping went away while I was still in the office. I didn't feel any cramping after I got home from the doctor's office, except I felt one itty bitty pinprick-like cramp at what felt like the upper part of my uterus. It's probably wishful thinking, but I'd like to think that it was my little ravioli (or pierogie or cocoa puff, whichever you prefer) making himself comfortable. I sure hope so.

My pregnancy test is scheduled for Friday (3 days to go!). I'm resisting the urge to take a home pregnancy test. It's extremely tempting, but I don't want to end up with a false positive and get excited for no reason, or a false negative and be crushed. I'll just wait patiently until my blood test on Friday and be excited or crushed in the comfort of my doctor's office. But I will take one of I get a positive blood test, because I've always wanted to pee on one of those things and find out I'm pregnant like a normal person. Oh, the novelty of a urine test.

My boobs are also starting to feel tender, which they never did during any of the injections or anything. So maybe that's a good sign. My friend Jo-Ann's boobs started hurting her almost as soon as she got pregnant, but I'd imagine her's are a lot more sensitive than mine (she's barely a B cup. I'm an I cup.) I hope it's not the progesterone talking.

Speaking of progesterone- instead of giving me the injectable progesterone, my doctors prescribed me vaginal inserts, which I absolutely HATE. As they start to melt/dissolve, I keep thinking I'm bleeding, and it freaks me out. Every day. I'm not just going to assume that the feeling is as a result of the insert, because with my luck, the one time I didn't check, I really would be bleeding.

I've never felt this big a mix of emotions before. It's crazy. I get so excited about the prospect of possibly being pregnant, to bawling my eyes out over nothing and everything. I've also gotten really angry. A cab driver cut me off yesterday to the point where I almost rear-ended him and I wished I could shoot him, or at least watch him die in a fiery crash. I know, it's morbid, but that's how I felt. Cab drivers suck at life. They're the worst drivers of all time, and they get away with everything. When's the last time you saw a cab get pulled over??


I miss hubby like crazy... He's been gone for almost 4 weeks now. 4 1/2 more weeks to go. I hate not being able to talk to him whenever I want. We can write letters, but I don't think they give them time to write often. I just got the first letter from him this past Friday. It left San Antonio on May 26. He has been able to call me twice, though. All trainees get one initial phone call to give their family the address and to provide instructions on how to contact them in an emergency. And then he got a phone call home on May 21 because he's dorm chief and his dorm got 10/10 in their inspection.

I can't wait til he gets home.

I really want potatoes right now. And one of those orange n cream sodas that tastes like a Creamsicle. Mmmmmm.....